Back to making Art

I've written before about the difficulty I've been having about starting and even sustaining an art project.  Painting has taken me through some really tough times.  It helped me get through my divorce and raising three sons as teens alone.  Art is my Salish.  It has been my refuge from problems it has allowed me to regain what sanity I could garner in troubled times.  It has kept my calm.  To paint one does need a clear mind.  I have never before had to contend with a crowed mind.  My elderly Mother is loosing her memory and her short term memory is so bad that I am forced to think some for her.  I do this because I love her, and because she so often took care of me selflessly.  We were each others best friend and now I try to understand how she is feeling.  I see glimpses of Mom as she use to be.  Her voice echoing the past. This can misled and confuse because you could expect her to be as she once was.  This is just an illusion.  Come back to reality and accept the current reality do not expect too much.  It has taken months if not a year for me to accept our reality.  Once accepted then life does become easier and less difficult.  If this is confusing for me just think how terrifying it has to be for her.  With my somewhat hesitant acceptance of our reality comes a clearing of my mind.  I can not change reality so make the most of what you have,  live life, and love.

With my acceptance of our reality I have begun to experience some freedom of thought.  Gradually I have attempted to finish some of my paintings that I had started.  Last night I found a photo of a fall field that I had attempted to paint maybe ten years or more ago.  I had done a large painting that I was never satisfied with.  The house where I had painted this was too dark.  When your lighting is not right nothing seems to work.  Colors are off.  Once you belabor too much with a painting, you loose the freshness.  At any rate that painting did not turn out to be good.  Last night I sketched in my dark tones of this field with loose brush strokes.  This is a fall scene but fall with muted tones of greens and browns.  The interesting thing is that the hedge rows and tree lines all help to describe visual space.  I also have a beginning of atmospheric perspective in the early stages of this painting.  This is exciting and I can hardly wait to get back to my painting tonight.