Caring for my Mother

The task that I have taken on has become more and more difficult and I pray that I will be able to handle all that comes my way.  I have taken on the job of care taker for my mother.  As I have written before she suffers from a form of dementia.  With very little medication we have been able to work out problems with her personality and have eased her aggressive behavior back to her sweet self.  I am thankful for this.

Now I am facing the daunting task of working with her growing physical weakness.  If I had no limitations of my own this would be easier for me to handle. I sit in a power wheel chair as I suffer with post polio syndrome.  I am unable to stand any more and with my diagnosis I found out that my arms were involved as well as both legs.  To retain what use I have I should be careful not to over use these limbs.  Mother is not always able to get up from her chair to walk to the bathroom  So I hold out my hand and pull in order to help her up onto her feet.  In the morning and again at night I basically dress and undress her.  I worry about how long I can continue to do this.  As it is I refuse to give up.  Lewis, my youngest son stays with us and helps me manage mom.  Melissa my son Chris' wife comes two days a week and helps mother bathe and washes her hair.  She also takes mother out to lunch or shopping.  I find that this is something that I can no longer manage without help. I worry about not being able to take care of her. 

I finally had to realize that I am not a superwoman and have had to make arrangements for my mother to go into an assisted living arrangement.  This is just a block away from my home and on nice days I will be able to use my power chair to visit her.

We have situated her in a private room with a lot of her own furniture.  Paintings by both my brother and myself as well as a painting that she did.  There are pictures of her parents and pencil sketches of my brother and myself as children.  In short we have done as much as possible to make her room look like home.

Needless to say she is not happy.  She does not realize that there are things that she can not do.  She does not realize that I have difficulty in helping her.  She still in her own mind thinks that she is able to do everything that she was always able to do.  Because of this I can not reason with her.

We have physical therapy people working with her trying to get back some of the strength that she has lost.  I am hopeful that she will become happy in her world there.  We are planning on taking her on outings and eventually let her visit for dinners and family times.  I am feeling guilty, but need to remember that I need to take care of myself too.